I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
