i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
the condom got lost in my hair
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Im part way to drunk.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
