I want you more than these girls want KFC
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
