You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
