if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Best friends brother. Beat that.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
