Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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