I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
