We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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