remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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