the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
