Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
