I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
