All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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