He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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