the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
