Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
