i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
