You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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