Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We are two peas in an std pod
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
