My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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