I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He better not be in your backpack
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
