he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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