To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
