soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
