even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
