Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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