For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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