The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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