I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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