Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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