Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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