Porn is love you can see.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
