Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
