you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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