just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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