Got a toothbrush?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
