Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
im six kinds of drunk right now
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
