Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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