This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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