i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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