bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
