I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
we're so committed to being not committed
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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