Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
