WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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