Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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