You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
you would pick up someone in the library
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
