theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
