i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
