he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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