idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
