I cannot find my penis.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
