I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
