pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
