How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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