I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
