you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
