you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i just made my gag reflex go away.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Randomize
