I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Randomize
