Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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