an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
