Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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