No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize