Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
