just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
