Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
