her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
