I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
